"I do what I do, because I feel what I feel, and I know, it's the right thing to do ..."

PURE POWER

whataboutme2008 — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 06:23:25 +0000

“The Party seeks power entirely for its own sake. We are not interested in the good of others; we are interested solely in power. Not wealth or luxury or long life or happiness: only power, pure power. What pure power means you will understand presently. We are different from all the oligarchies of the past, in that we know what we are doing. All the others, even those who resembled ourselves, were cowards and hypocrites. The German Nazis and the Russian Communists came very close to us in their methods, but they never had the courage to recognize their own motives. They pretended, perhaps they even believed, that they had seized power unwillingly and for a limited time, and that just round the corner there lay a paradise where human beings would be free and equal. We are not like that. We know that no one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. Power is not a means; it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship. The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power.”

Happry Birthday to me ?

whataboutme2008 — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 08:40:59 +0000

“Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it’s not
to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we areto the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.”

IMAGINE

whataboutme2008 — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 03:35:43 +0000

By The TatterDemalion.

Imagine a life where you have no choice but to conform to routine…

Where what you have, is more important then who you are – because you’re nobody…

Where everything you do is regulated by someone else…

Where you are destined to be a dull, gray, uniform machine that falls in line with the other dull and gray uniform machines that live on your block…

Where you get up every day, smile, wave to the neighbors…

Where you work a mundane job, and no matter what you do you’re still expendable…

But still you have to work your ass off, to buy tons and tons of crap that you don’t need.

Where you socialize with neighbors who you hate, and who hate you back…

But still you have to act friendly, because they’re being friendly and everyone’s watching.

Where you care more about what others think, than what you think about yourself…

Where you’re a slave to social gatherings like barbeques and picnics…

Where your lawn says more about you, than your words…

Where you can’t get anywhere without a car, and everything you need is in a mall…

Where you say things you don’t mean, and mean things you don’t say…

A world of marriage, kids, promotions and all that other burdening crap, that you don’t want, but you have to take on as a compulsory sign of status.

So, you wonder….

You wonder why half of all marriages end in divorce,

You wonder why alcoholism is such a big problem,

You wonder why kids take guns to school and shoot their classmates,

You wonder why other kids dye their hair black, and mutilate their wrists,

You wonder why people feed themselves to death,

You wonder why America is so fucked up…

So what is all this?

Why does America do all these things?

Is it an act of evil?

Is it an act of a corrupt society?

Is it an act of greed? Of desire?

Or, Is it an act of self medication, a way of destroying yourself, by destroying everything around you?

Midwestern America, and civilization in general, doesn’t HAVE a problem, it IS the problem.

whataboutme2008 — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 06:52:16 +0000

“You think it’s a coincidence that it’s inn college that most Americans do their most serious falling-down drinking and drugging and reckless driving and rampant fucking and mindless general Dionysian-type reveling? It’s not. They’re adolescents, and they’re terrified, and they’re dealing with their terror in a distinctively American way. Those naked boys hanging upside down out of their frat-house’s windows on Friday night are simply trying to get a few hours’ escape from the stuff that any decent college has forced them to think about all week.”

©1998 Harper's Magazine

I’m a freak…

whataboutme2008 — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 00:54:26 +0000

I just really n truly am clinically insane. (Let’s put it this way, I have more mental disorders than all people I know together!) I am weird beyond the quirks of your typical idiot. Example 1: I can’t take a compliment. If you were to congratulate me on a job done well, I wouldn’t believe that you were being sincere and truthful. I’d most likely assume you were superficial or question your intelligence and ability to judge the situation. Example 2: I argue for the sake of arguing. I will fight any point, no matter how irrelevant, whether I agree with it or not. I usually do it to try in vain to get someone to see things the other way, as if I am doing them some sort of favor by revealing new points of view. Example 3 (this one may seem logical momentarily, but is truly ridiculous): I love new socks. Wearing new socks can brighten my pathetic day. Example 4: I have a really different way of “how I’d like to die”, most say painlessly, quickly, while sleeping I say in a hail of police gunfire after having committed some spectacular act of eco- or animal liberation terrorism.

I am a freak! Feel free to laugh about it. I do, on occasion.

Meh…

whataboutme2008 — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 04:18:41 +0000

So I haven’t quite been doing what I decided to do. I haven’t been sticking to my new resolutions, but I don’t feel guilty about it either. I guess it’s sort of a tradition these days. I’d probably feel awkward if I actually did stick to them.

I’ve come to realize that I am a slave of my emotions. In the war rational thinking vs. emotions, my logic lays bleeding. I know it’s not healthy, but I have no means of changing it. I gave up trying a long time ago. Quite frankly I think I accepted it even before trying to fight it.

There are different kinds of people out there. Their differences make them one of a kind. We have the outgoing, pop-loving, love-making, continuously smiling kind of people. We have the I’m sorry I’m alive, life is a miserable piece of shit, please kill me species. There are also the sadistic, self-obsessed, maniac-depressive individuals and the mean to the bone, celebrity-like assholes that have nothing to offer to the world whatsoever. Well I forgot where I was going with this… but you get the point. There’s a bunch of people out there, and they, or shall I say we share more differences than similarities, which sort of means we share a common similarity of being different. So that’s kind of like an oxymoron… But anywho, I completely lost the point right now. I have so many things going round in my head that I can’t even keep my thoughts straight. I was kind of trying to head in the direction of identifying people, getting to know who they are, what they represent. I think the once simple task, is getting harder and more challenging every day. There’s just a few people left that are true and sincere. Most people act. So when you say you know your friend Johnny, and your cousin Rebbecca. You only know who they pretend to be, not who they actually are. Which is somewhat worrying, or just sad. Or I don’t know. Maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe all those people that I pass on campus are truly walking representation of who they are. Maybe I’m one of the very few that’s never allowing herself to be who she really is. Anyone I meet only gets to know the very first page of me. I’m always being honest and never do anything against my will so they do get a chance to know me, but they never actually get to know me. You know what I mean? They just get to know the polite and respectful part that anyone else that approaches me gets to know. It often makes me wonder whether opening up and letting others discover who I am would be a better way to go. Am I missing out by acting the way I’m acting? Is it wrong that I hide my desires, and never let anyone know what my dreams and hopes are? Should I really let strangers know what I’m really thinking? Does anyone really think that expressing yourself freely, and following your deepest desires is a healthy way to choose? Doesn’t that make you vulnerable though? Vulnerable and thus ashamed or scared, often angry … I don’t know. I enjoy getting to know other people. I adore finding out about the little weird things that define them. And yet, I hate it when people try to find out something about me.

Things I wanted to do

whataboutme2008 — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 20:49:45 +0000

I wanted to get up early

I wanted to receive letters from Europe

I wanted to buy loose jeans

I wanted to not eat for the whole two weeks, and learn to appreciate the different tastes every dish has to offer

I wanted to go for a walk in a forest, and see wild animals and take fantastic pictures of them

I wanted to make all my L-size T-Shirts smaller, patch my jeans, and finish modifying my shirts

I wanted to buy a plant, that doesn’t need watering, and put it on my desk

I wanted to finnaly buy an office chair on craigslist, so that I could lean back in it as far as I wanted and not fall

I wanted to receive anonymous emails from people that go to the same college as me

I wanted to deposit my check into my bank account

I wanted to sleep and never get up

whataboutme2008 — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 05:41:38 +0000

Would you risk your life to make a difference?

Update

whataboutme2008 — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 05:21:39 +0000

Alrighty so what have i been up to lately? I’ve been working everyday, since I won’t be working during the semester. My resolutions? Well I’m sort of stickin’ to them so far. Haven’t been exercising enough though… And I still can’t manage to stick to my daily to do list. I checked out 2 Tao Lin books today. So far I’m really liking “you are a little bit happier than i am” . Here’s a quote from one of the first pages:

“loneliness is just a word that means you are feeling alone and depressed and starting to think about how difficult and strangely impossible it is for you to be interested in the same people who are interested in you and if you don’t change your worldview and personality soon then you will probably always feel alone and depressed because you can’t remember a time when you haven’t felt alone and depressed but really you can and that was when you were a small child but that small child seems like a different person, really, than who you are right now and you can’t become a different person anymore because you are over twenty years old and people this age don’t change unless they fall off a barn and get a long metal rod through their brain and then they change drastically and get studied by scientists and never have to get a real job again but always look very alone and far away and doomed on tv even if they and all their friends and family and an international team of doctors, neural surgeons, and psychologists — cognitive, behavioral, courtroom, and analytical — say they aren’t at all”

The other book is called Bed. Right, other than that I need to slowly start putting myself into the school mode. And I desperately need motivation to start reading C++ again. What else, ahhh I’m slowly realizing my true addiction to YouTube. It’s quite scary really. I’m trying to get that under control… at least a bit.

Last day of 2007

whataboutme2008 — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 09:37:00 +0000

Oki doki, so as probably millions of other people in the world did, I came up with a couple of resolutions for the upcoming year 2008. Nothing fancy or original by any means, but I managed to stick to some of the ones I had for this year, so I’m going to try it this year as well. Without further introduction then: (order is random)

list all the books I read throughout the year, on Librarything.com
eat healthier and exercise (I bet no one has used this before …)
to be more specific – loose 15lb
raise my GPA or just don’t let it drop
update this blog
work harder, work better
try new tea types/kinds/tastes?
get a hobby… a real one
get organized
stick to the list -> Dontbreakthechain.com